A spiral galaxy walked into a bar for a drink. The barman threw him out and said "You're barred!" What do you do if you are driving along and you see a spaceman? Park in it man! This is sad but unfortunately true - A customer aged 90 years old went in to the Widescreen Centre in London for some gear and told the owner, Simon that he had bought a Meade ETX system from another place (shop will remain nameless in case of litigation), this wasn't that bad but they went on and told him that he had to get a laptop computer in order to use it properly. - Not a way to encourage people into astronomy let alone a man of 90 Why wouldn't you want to give Saturn a bath? Because he would leave a ring round the tub. "It's a good thing the guy in charge of naming galaxies was into chocolate bars and not Chinese food. Otherwise, the Milky Way might have been named Moo Goo Gui Pan, and who wants to have to learn about that?" Picture this if you will. It is Thursday late afternoon on the day before Astrofest 2008 when all the exhibitors are just finishing setting up their displays of telescopes, binoculars, cameras, books and anything and everything to do with astronomy, a man wearing a woolly hat (the hat is of no significance whatsoever) comes in and asks one of the people in the main hall "Is this where the teddy bear conference is?". Perhaps he was looking for Ursa Major! --- This actually happened This is a quote from the autobiography of one of the most loved and respected people in the world of astronomy who I met and had a quick chat with at Astrofest and he was delighted for me to put this on my site:- "A biblical society once pressed me to attend a meeting in Selsey, mainly to show that Darwinian evolution is rubbish, Creationism is true, and that this can be proved by studies of the bible. I did go, but I kept a low profile until I was asked to speak. I fear my address did not go down too well, because I pointed out that the bible can be interpreted to mean almost anything, and that by using selected quotes from the New Testament I could give conclusive proof that Jesus Christ was a scratch golfer. He was adept at finding lost golf balls: 'Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find' (Matthew 7, 7), but he did occasionally fluff a drive: 'And some fell on stony ground, where it had not much earth' (Mark 4, 5). He must have managed the occasional hole in one: 'Rejoice ye in that day, and leap for joy' (Luke 6, 23), but has compassion for the poor wretch who takes thirteen at a par four hole: 'Wherefore comfort one and thee with these words' (Thessalonians 5, 18). if your opponent has the temerity to ask if he may borrow a club: 'Give it to him that asketh thee' (Matthew 5, 42). Finally, he was not a slow player: 'Look behind, I come quickly' (revelations 3, 11). Straightforward enough, but I didn't feel that the audience was entirely on my wavelength, and I wasn't invited to their next meeting." This was of course by Sir Patrick Moore, one of the great astronomers, musician, comedian and cricketer (demon bowler who could still hit an occasional winning innings). He admits to being not very good at golf though. He is a real character in every sense of the word. I you get fed up with looking at Uranus, try looking at Mars instead .... she probably won't mind!!! --- courtesy of Strongman Mike Sidonio (the worlds strongest astrophotographer)
A little ditty to Edmund Halley
From the public, his discovery brought cheers.
From his wife, it drew nothing but torrents of tears.
"For you see," said Ms. Halley,
"He used to come daily;
Now he comes once every 70 years!" 
